The Fridge is Empty

A couple of hours after Holly and I decided to roll the dice on this writing venture I received two phone calls offering two separate jobs in the education field. Both jobs offering a crappy, almost livable, wage, though offering some faint possibility of advancement.

Fuck! So I ate lunch thinking how I just decided to follow my dream and become a writer, and the safe road of guaranteed income has been been paved before me. 4 kids, a family of 6, 3 toads, a snake, and a gecko to feed. I wanted to puke.

Holly was frustrated by my unease. She said "I don't know what you're thinking about, I thought you wanted to be a writer? Those jobs are offering you shit!" So it was set in stone that morning, about three weeks ago, and the dice was cast.

Holly found me a free desk on some curb off craigslist, I got an hp notebook computer for $20 after rebate, and put together a resume, and two samples of writings. This is my shitty desk. I should say though, it serves me well; a lot better than the one I had before, which was no desk at all.

Now I run out of the house to cover local news stories, stop on the side of busy roads to capture an image with my low end camera I hope you might find interesting, dream of landing a Rolling Stone assignment interviewing some famous douche I could care less about, or one I actually like, write my article, tend this blog, and hope in the fire of it all it creates magic for both my family and I.

Last night I was brushing my teeth, and I realized I left the water running as I'm brushing. What a fucking waste. I pay a water bill. I walked into my living room, and the ceiling fan was on. Another waste. Not to mention the computer was on, and the TV was on and the kids weren't even paying attention to it. My bedroom fan was on too. And my kids hardly ever want to finish there dinner and always want a snack later, or "I'm full. What's for desert?" Are you kidding me? I got a million fuckin words to get down on paper, I'm hungry, and no time to eat. I need to stay stocked up on coffee, just to keep pace with this new writer's life of mine, and coffee costs money too. I feel like just another rat, another moron wasting money mindlessly without ever taking notice, and now I'm hyper aware of every penny flying out the window.

I wanted a change in my life, and now I'm scouring the ways I can save change. I'm watering juice down for the whole family, secretly of course, so I can can get two for one without waiting for Shop Rite to offer it. I'm doing 65 in a 55 on Rt 10, and I thought the gleam in the corner of my eye might be a quarter on the floor. I want a pool next year, and I swear I'm just looking for a pot to piss in. Did I really put that king size bed and flat screen TV on my credit card last month? 4 people at my last few news assignments asked me for my business cards. Those are cheap right?

So this is where I find myself. Trying to entertain, write news stories on a dead line, create articles I can sell to magazines, try to garner some money, someday, for my poetry, all to make a better life for my family. From where I stand right now I wouldn't change it for the world. My life is more interesting than it's ever been, and I have more energy than Columbia can provide in both cocaine and coffee. I'm lighting my world on fire, and hopefully, soon enough, the rest of the world too with the million words campbellonemillion needs to produce before the next million are due.

Can my words feed this family? If only I could cut myself open and feed them my organs till they do. I have to believe that this blog too is worth my time. I was going to mention yesterday that I almost received 1000 views on this blog, but interest in my children peaked that over 1200 by today.

This little love is worth more than anything I will ever write, yet I have to keep going so she can eat. After I post this I have to tend to her to keep beautiful Holly's sanity safe, then write two articles I covered last night and this morning, shove dinner down my  throat and head out the door with kisses and half hugs, as I rush off to cover another story of a guy doing more for the world in one year than I've done my whole life.