Inspiration

Owen's story generated a lot of interest, and a lot of people sent the nicest messages, comments, support etc...Some people that read Owen's story called either the story or myself inspiring. This lead beautiful Holly to pose the question to me: Do I think I am inspiring?

I felt like a puddle of muddy water confronted with the idea. I said I think people find my story or the way I write inspiring, but I myself have done nothing. No absolutely not, I'm not inspiring.

Holly and I often discuss the mistakes we have both stumbled over as we were single parents, so I said we've discussed how I handled being a single parent. I love my children tremendously, but that is easy, it comes naturally. But I was not an inspiring person or parent. I have people to attest to the fact. Trust me.

I want to be inspiring though. Holly said, it's not about the past or what people think, just be inspiring: do inspiring things. So I write the story of my life the best way I know how. Most importantly I need to tend my wife's beautiful heart and my children too. Blending a family is harder than graduate school, it should require a degree. If I can get that right, be the father and husband I want to be, then all things inspiring will fall into place.

But that is the biggest challenge in front of me right now.  

How do I make my family flow like water, like a waterfall that can feed all things below it, or the river that carries life everywhere it travels, and the ocean, the largest symbol of life we know, from space we seem entirely blue, which gives rise to the green life we love so much. So how do I do that?

People are so careless with each other that it is so easy to fail with anything in life that we do. The point I think is to take light footsteps, and make small splashes when we tread near the ones we love. I need to NOT slam the door when I am angry. I'm sure it just floods my home with terrible water.

I need to LOVE my wife when she is frustrated, and be patient with all my children equally. I'm working toward this, and every day this is all I want, to be a good father and provide for those closest to me. If I can do that, especially in this way, with these words, that enough people are interested in enough to read,
then I will have accomplished actual inspiration.

When my family is all play and imagination because I made them that way, then I will be on the right trail I need to be walking on. Right now I feel like I'm in the woods, can't see the trail, but I think I know where I dropped my compass.

That is not the worst place to start. At least I know there is a compass and a way I need to walk.

So how do I grab Holly's hand and run, like, hmmm, not the wind...but children again. I want to feel with Holly, and I often do, how I felt as a child in love.

Surely if I can do that, then I will no doubt make my children just dance to be alive. What is greater than watching your children dance at what they are good at, whether it is sports, dance, art, loving you, or just plain looking good.

Look at your child and dance with him or her, it's what you have in this moment, and it's not hard. That love, if you can keep it up, is the big challenge to keep alive.

So all the things people are saying to me make me want inspiration in the worst way for my family, just so we can burst it upon the world. I want love unleashed. I want to be the pit-bull, the watch-dog of love. I want love so mad that it won't seem real, but will be so real that it can't end.  

  I know I will get it right. I have to. I said at the start of this blog, I need to do this because we're all gonna die. So the time for me is now, to get it right, in stone, like a mason laboring for love. And then, though I married her, and only then will I truly have my wife in my heart. That is when I feel most like a superstar, when I know she loves me, because I loved her so much, that she couldn't help  herself.

So my first target of love is my girl when she gets home from shopping with the kids. Then my next target is my children, then I'm aiming at the rest of my family, bothers, sister, parents, and anyone else that falls into the word family.

I want my love for the people in my life to be immortalized and set in stone. We are going to die, but in the mean time I can aim to freeze this love and all I have to offer the loves in my life, in time, so in the passing of it all, it can never be taken back.